Where Water Meets Air
by CocoSushi
Summary: "You don't mind then," she says hurriedly, the blush creeping across her cheeks. "You wouldn't mind if i call you Theo?" Her request brings a grin to his face. "By all means, Mandy, call me what you wish." He has such a grand way of speaking. The way he says her name enthralls her and she tells herself that it is for purely platonic reasons.


**A/N:** So apparently I tried writing this story about a decade ago and for some reason, I kept coming back to it over the years. Rated for non-explicit sex, general darkness, and moral ambiguity. Viewer discretion is advised.

* * *

 **Where Water Meets Air**

"You don't mind then," she says hurriedly, the blush creeping across her cheeks. "You wouldn't mind if i call you Theo?" Her request brings a grin to his face. "By all means, Mandy, call me what you wish." He has such a grand way of speaking. The way he says her name enthralls her and she tells herself that it is for purely platonic reasons.

* * *

 _/ After /_

He never planned on being here, fighting another man's fight. As far as Theodore Nott is concerned, this is father's war – not his. It it were up to him, he would be halfway out of Hogsmeade by now. He wasn't the one who decided it was high time to play hero.

Instead, he is dodging curses from all directions. He doesn't know who is an enemy, who is a friend. He only has one concern right now: find her. Keep her safe.

To his right, a blinding flash of green. Then a girl goes down at the hands of one of his father's associates. He recognizes the back of her head as it hits the cobblestone and vaguely, he remembers sitting behind her in Charms class back in Third Year. He knows she's dead, but she isn't the one he's looking for. He forces himself to look away.

Explosions overhead. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a chunk of the castle walls crumble into a thousand pieces. He realizes then that he loves her. Nothing else would have driven Theodore Nott to dive headfirst into a bloodbath, overriding his deeply ingrained self-preservation instinct.

By some miracle, he spots her in what used to be the courtyard. Her robes are torn and covered with dust. There's a gash on the side of her face. But she's alive, and the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

He sprints in her direction, screaming, "Mandy!"

She gazes at him in shock.

"Theo?"

He's not a hero. Neither is she. But if he gets there in time, maybe, just maybe, they can save each other.

* * *

Their house has always been quiet. Mandy's bedroom faces away from the sun. It's always dark, always shadowed. The dining table is far too big for a family of three.

And now, even after the funeral, nothing has changed. If anything, the house is quieter and darker. They keep the curtains drawn and seldom entertain visitors. The few times they go out, they wear black. They are in mourning and, now, more than ever, it is important to keep up appearances.

Every night, Mandy sets the table while her father cooks dinner. He used to whistle while chopping vegetables the Muggle way. But the kitchen will remain silent from now on. He's making lamb stew – her favorite. For it is the last day of summer holidays. This will be the last meal she will share with her father until Christmas.

Tomorrow is September first. She is absolutely dreading it. The last time she'd seen her friends was at the beginning of July. At the funeral. She'd hated it then, their soothing words and the pitying way they had looked at her. She'll hate it even more now that she has to receive the same treatment from the rest of Ravenclaw House.

There is nothing noble about pity, especially when it is undeserved.

Mandy can already imagine all the things the other parents must have told them.

"Did you hear about the Brocklehursts? You know, Mandy's family. The poor, sweet thing – it's hard enough with times being what they are. And to lose your mother in the midst of it all? It's dreadful. Absolutely dreadful."

No longer Mandy, the nice one. No longer Mandy, the forgotten Ravenclaw. Now she is Mandy, the motherless.

She tends to forget that last bit at times. It isn't until after she finishes distributing the utensils that she realizes she's brought out three place settings. For a split second, her hand is struck with the urge to grab the plate intended for use by her dead mother and hurl it at the wall. She nearly does it too. But Mandy, ever rational, stops to think about her actions. It would have been good for her, therapeutic even. She can use magic outside of school now so she wouldn't have to worry about the mess. But she decides against it, worried that her brashness would upset her father in his already fragile state.

Instead, she returns the china and silver to their respective drawers. Then she returns to her respective seat. Then she stares across from her at the space her mother should be filling. From the kitchen, her father announces that dinner will be ready soon. Mandy knows that neither of them are really hungry.

Their stubborn house remains dark and quiet. Mandy sits and listens to the sound of her own breathing.

The dining table, she thinks, is far too big for a family of two.

* * *

At Hogwarts, everything couldn't be more different. The Headmaster is gone and a vile snake is seated in his place. The students are different. They no longer trust as easily or laugh as loudly. The teachers whisper to each other in empty classrooms. No one leaves their dormitory unarmed.

Of course, their reactions to hearing of the Brocklehurst family tragedy are all as expected. Professor Flitwick pulls her aside after Charms one day and advises her to come to his office if she ever needs someone to talk to. Terry Boot, whom she had dated for a total of two months back in fourth year, gives her a hug and a heartfelt letter from his mother. Her friends, Lisa Turpin and Padma Patil, tread carefully when in her presence. Even Sue Li, who had been a close confidant back in the day, keeps her distance. All of them make sure not to joke around too much or talk about their mothers.

Mandy can't help but laugh at their special treatment. She knows that there's nothing special about her. In many ways, she considers herself downright boring. But Mandy knows that she isn't the only one in this situation; every student is still grieving. They mourn their magnificent Albus Dumbledore. They mourn their magnificent school, the spirit of Hogwarts having been robbed by Snape and the Carrows and the dementors and the Dark Lord himself.

As for Mandy, she mourns her future. All her hopes and dreams for her life after Hogwarts have been crushed by the war. All those years of studying and hard work have been for naught. Like everyone else, she is destined to live a life in fear, with her doors locked and curtains drawn and her dark house sealed off by protective enchantments.

Mandy Brocklehurst mourns a lot of things, but she does not mourn her mother. For Mandy is a keeper of many secrets. Only she and her father know the truth.

They know better than anyone that you can't mourn someone who is not dead.

* * *

Mandy has always been a great pretender. And at first, it's easy. She does what she's always done. She goes to all her classes, hands in her work on time, and is careful not to call attention to herself. She is quiet and only speaks when it is absolutely necessary. She seldom complains and smiles often enough so her friends don't worry about her well-being.

That's before the Carrows begin to ask questions. A week into the school year, they go through the list of students who failed to return to Hogwarts. Among them, Mandy knows, are Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, whom everyone suspects are on the run somewhere with Harry Potter (Mandy is secretly grateful that Hermione is gone because that at least eliminates some of the academic competition). Also on the list are the muggleborns. When investigating the disappearance of Dean Thomas, Alecto Carrow pulls Seamus Finnegan out of class and interrogates him for hours, even though Seamus has no clue as to the whereabouts of his best mate.

Before long, it gets worse. The pressure builds. Soon, they are torturing cheeky first years who are too young to know when to keep their mouths shut. Those who rise against are severely punished – the Carrows favor the Cruciatus Curse, which explains the shouting Mandy often hears coming from detention.

Many of the Slytherins are in on it. They are the smart ones; they don't have to be afraid. Mandy secretly wishes she could be like them. It would be so much easier. She wouldn't have to carry this secret, this burden. She wouldn't break out into a nervous sweat every time the Carrows passed by.

Any minute, they would find out. They would look right at her and say, "'Ey, wasn't your mother a Mudblood? Awfully convenient that she 'died' not too long before the Dark Lord took over the Ministry. They say that they weren't able to recover her body. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that now, would you?"

And Mandy wouldn't be able to handle it. She would crack and tell them the truth. Yes, my mother is a muggleborn and yes, she is still alive. She saw what was happening and planned ahead of time. She faked her death and is on the run. She is gone and that's all I know. I had nothing to do with it. She's just my mother so please, please spare me.

She fears for her own life so much that she would turn on her own family. Because Mandy Brocklehurst isn't brave. That's why she wasn't sorted into Gryffindor.

She also isn't stupid. She knows that one day, someone will find her out. Her father will be imprisoned or most likely killed. They will track her mother down and kill her as well. All their planning and schemes would have been for nothing.

The pressure to smile and remain inconspicuous, the weight of her family's secret, sits heavily on her chest. It isn't until Anthony Goldsmith and Michael Corner carry a beaten and half-conscious Terry Boot into the common room that Mandy finally falls apart.

She watches wordlessly as they lay him on one of the couches. Someone rushes to get Madam Pomfrey.

"They tortured him," whispers Lisa, her brown eyes bulging in fear. "And he was just trying to protect his little sister."

Inside, Mandy feels her stomach lurch. Kind, baby-faced Terry, who used to stay up with her all night to study for Transfiguration. Terry, who had once held her hand in the hallway. Terry, who had been her first kiss. The romantic feelings are all gone now but she cares for him just as a friend should. And watching him struggle to open his bloodshot eyes, hearing him moan in pain as Anthony gently rolls him into a more comfortable position... It becomes all too much.

Mandy flees Ravenclaw Tower just in time to have her breakdown in private. She collapses in an alcove not too far from the library – it's as far as she can manage. The sobs burst through her one after another, like crashing waves. She can't get herself to stop.

Underneath her good marks and reserved exterior, Mandy is actually quite selfish. Her first rageful thought is directed at her mother: _how could you do this to me?_

She buries her head in her knees and sobs in earnest. She cares about Terry Boot but she cares more about herself and the image of her own bloodied body lying in his place. They hurt him for protecting his little sister, who has done nothing to offend the Dark Lord's regime.

What will they do when they find out the lengths at which Mandy is protecting her proudly defiant, Mudblood mother?

In all her hysteria, Mandy has forgotten to keep quiet. Her strangled cries echo throughout the abandoned corridor. Someone is bound to come investigate.

"Are you alright there?"

Mandy looks up with a start. Before her stands Theodore Nott, the silent Slytherin extraordinaire. The moment they lock gazes, Mandy knows she is royally screwed. Though his dark eyes are absent of any judgment or malice, she can't help but reach for her wand.

He can see me, she thinks. He knows I'm a fraud.

He knows I'm not supposed to be a Ravenclaw.

He knows my muggleborn mother is alive.

There's something about him. He just _knows_.

But he doesn't go off accusing her straight away. He simply stares down at her, crouched in the corner with a tear-streaked face, and waits for a reply.

It takes a few seconds to find the words. "It's nothing," she says.

She half expects him to ask another question, but all he does is nod and walk away. She should be relieved that he left her alone. Instead, the same unsettled feeling bubbles in her stomach, resurfacing with a newfound vengeance.

* * *

She scans the Great Hall for him at breakfast the next day. Unsurprisingly, he is seated close enough to the other Slytherin seventh years but is clearly detached from their conversation. Not too different from herself, she notes, but at least Mandy cares enough to feign interest. This isn't the first time Theodore Nott has caught her attention. In fact, she kind of resents him the same way she kind of resents Hermione Granger. Both of them beat her academically across the years despite the fact that they are not in Ravenclaw, which prides itself in being the smartest house.

The main difference is that Theodore, for all his smarts, is often overlooked. He is soft spoken and a loner. He has always seemed to Mandy to be unabashedly different. Not only that, he is comfortable being that way.

She thinks about how she too is often overlooked, by students and teachers alike. For she bitterly considers the fact that there are other Ravenclaws who are prettier and smarter and more confident in their own skin.

Mandy secretly wishes she could be more like Theodore.

Without warning, his eyes flick up from his porridge to meet her own. Mandy immediately looks away, blushing.

She bears too many secrets. And there's something about him that knows.

* * *

"Oh!"

The sound of surprise escapes her lips before she can help herself. It's six o'clock on a Saturday morning. All of the other students are still asleep. And yet when Mandy goes off to the library in search of a distraction, she spies none other Theodore Nott who is proving to be the biggest distraction of them all.

He appears to be working on a History of Magic paper. While the rest of the world has gone topsy turvy, trust Professor Binns to drone on lecture after lecture with all the assurance of a ticking clock. Similarly, Theodore Nott gives her a simple "hello" before turning back to his studies as if he had never been interrupted.

Mandy continues to stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. She can't just run. That would only make her look more suspicious. Noticing her discomfort, Theodore gestures to the seat across from him and says, "You can sit down. I don't mind."

Wordlessly, she complies and takes the proffered chair, placing her book bag at her feet. She takes out her Potions homework and struggles to concentrate, thinking about the last interaction they had together, which is really the only interaction they've had throughout their time at Hogwarts. Everything about this moment is bizarre and all she can do is roll with the punches.

They work in silence for several minutes. At least Theodore seems to be working. Mandy can hardly understand a word of her readings.

"You're up early," says Theodore suddenly, causing Mandy to jump with a start.

"I never slept," she admits without looking at him. She has been too restless as of late, kept awake by her various worries. She hasn't had a good night's sleep for weeks and is now very crotchety as a result.

"Neither did I," he says. "I thought I might as well be productive."

"Is that how you get such good marks?" Mandy asks, careful to keep the bitterness from creeping into her tone.

"Part of the reason," he shrugs and makes no attempt at elaboration.

Realizing that she has not introduced herself, she says, "By the way, I'm-"

"Mandy Brocklehurst. Yes, I know who you are," he says, his eyes never leaving his paper.

"Oh." She looks up at him in confusion, her heart pounding a little faster in her chest. She'd thought herself to be invisible to at least everyone outside of her house. She certainly didn't expect someone like Theodore Nott to notice her existence.

"I'm Theodore Nott, but I'm guessing you already knew that." He glances up at her. In his eyes, Mandy catches a gleam of mischief.

The feeling of unsettledness comes back again. She wants so badly to talk freely with him but so much is holding her back. By the time she gathers enough courage to bring up that one incident, he has already gone back to his essay.

"Theodore?" she asks tentatively. His name is unfamiliar but not unpleasant on her tongue.

"Hmm?"

"About that thing you saw the other day-"

"You don't have to explain," he cuts her off. "It's none of my business."

Internally, Mandy already feels more at ease. Perhaps she has misjudged Theodore. Perhaps she is too paranoid for her own good. He is somewhat friendlier than she had originally thought. He can't have taken one look at her and known all that much.

On an impulse, she thanks him and gives him a small smile.

He smiles back. He has a nice smile, she thinks. Even if it looks like he is a little bit out of practice.

* * *

They meet in the library every Saturday morning after that. It's not something they plan, but it happens that way. Both quiet with the rest of the world yet talkative with each other, Mandy finds their budding relationship to be strange but refreshing at the very least. There are many reasons for her not to trust him – the fact that he is a Slytherin and the son of a Death Eater for one – but she talks to him anyway.

One day, an emboldened Mandy breaks the silence. "Does everyone call you Theodore?"

"My father does," is his simple response. Mandy wonders what sort of man his father is.

"And what do your friends call you?" she asks him. He raises an eyebrow at her and she immediately rephrases her question. "I mean, don't you have a nickname?"

She probably shouldn't have phrased it that way, she thinks. Theodore doesn't have many friends.

"Malfoy and the others often call me Nott. But never in my life have I been called Ted or Teddy," he says with a chuckle.

Mandy laughs as well. "No, that certainly doesn't suit you." She pauses: since when does she know what suits him? Nevertheless, she asks, "What about Theo? Has anyone ever called you that?"

He answers, after a moment, "One or two people maybe, when I was younger. You wouldn't be first."

"You don't mind then," she says hurriedly, the blush creeping across her cheeks. "You wouldn't mind if i call you Theo?"

Her request brings a grin to his face. "By all means, Mandy, call me what you wish."

He has such a grand way of speaking. The way he says her name enthralls her and she tells herself that it is for purely platonic reasons.

* * *

It is strange to see him outside of the library, and in the evening nonetheless. She is walking back to Ravenclaw Tower after dinner with Lisa and Padma; Sue left early to write a letter to her mother. As usual, she is half a step behind them – close enough but not quite included in their conversation. She sees Theo coming from the other direction. Does she wave or call out to him? Is that allowed? If they were friends she could do that. But at this point, Mandy has no idea what they are.

Once they are an acceptable distance from each other, Theo gives her a polite nod. "Mandy," he greets.

She nods back and says, "Hello, Theo."

And they keep walking.

Lisa and Padma, however, look nothing short of scandalized. Mandy remembers that she has not yet told them about her morning meetings with Theo, despite the fact that they've been going on for weeks. Not that it's any of their business in the first place.

"Since when are you chummy with Theodore Nott?" Lisa demands as soon as they round the corner.

"We study together sometimes," Mandy defends herself. "Does it matter?"

Padma scoffs. "Oh _studying_ , is that all it is?"

"Yes, that's all we do, I can assure you," she says with a twinge of annoyance.

Lisa looks at her warily. "I'd be careful if I were you. He's most likely dangerous."

"You only assume that because he's a Slytherin."

"It's not only that," Padma tells her huffily. "Might I remind you that his father is a Death Eater, and I bet that the rest of his family is in on it as well. Who's to say that your new friend hasn't joined ranks with You-Know-Who himself?"

Now that comment is what really makes her angry. "He's not dangerous and he's _not_ like his family," she says heatedly. She could go on but then she realizes that she doesn't actually know much about his family and she only just started getting to know Theo, for that matter. Thankfully, her strong assertion stuns her friends into silence. Mandy isn't normally assertive, or at least, not as much as she wants to be.

Theo brings up this incident the next time they meet. "Those girls you were with – Lisa and Padma – they are your closest friends?"

Still annoyed with them, Mandy stonily replies, "Sure, I guess you can call them that."

In truth, she only befriended them because it seemed like the thing to do back in first year. Lisa Turpin and Padma Patil were among the strongest personalities of their house, especially since Ravenclaws tend to be more like Sue – politely curious and pleasantly subdued. Bubbly and beautiful instead, both were thought of to be popular in the stereotypical sense (although Ravenclaws never placed as much importance on that as did the rest). At age eleven, Mandy had gravitated towards them because she wanted so desperately to be liked.

But things have changed, and Mandy no longer worships them as she once did. Now she sees that Padma radiates ego to an insufferable degree that at times she seems like she could be in Gryffindor like her twin (Mandy has often guessed that this is the kind of self-assurance only pure blood money can buy). Lisa, on the other hand, is admittedly book smart but frivolous in that she dedicates most of her intellect to uncovering the sordid details of others' personal lives. As friends, they are as captivating as they are draining. Mandy often feels like she has to compete with one or the other but never has the energy to do so.

She explains this to Theo, "Sometimes, I find Padma overbearing and Lisa shallow. They tire me out, honestly. I like them enough but no matter what I tell them, I know that they'll never understand me."

Theo observes her with a thoughtful expression. "I am the same way," he says. "Why do you think I come to the library all the time?"

"To get away from all of them," she guesses. She has been sleeping a lot better but still makes it a point to wake up early enough to be with him.

"Yes. I have respect for my fellow Slytherins, but they can be a bore at times. You are much more interesting," he says. Mandy looks away, trying to conceal her smile.

Suddenly, there is so much she wants to tell him – about her hopes and fears and beliefs. She wants to talk to him because she knows that he'll understand and even if he doesn't, he'll at least try to. She wants to tell him about wanting to be brave and confident like Padma and how she plans to become that person as soon as she leaves Hogwarts. She'll tell him how badly she wants to be liked and admired and great but now she is continuously worn-out and outdone so how can she possible achieve all that?

And as the morning goes by, that's exactly what she does. Theo listens and tells her his hopes and his dreams and how badly he wants to be liked and admired and great. And suddenly, the fact that she is an eagle and he is a snake does not seem all that important.

At a break in the conversation, Theo looks at her strangely and says, "You're different for a Ravenclaw."

"And you're different for a Slytherin," she says. "In a good way, of course."

"Yes, but you're different in a different way," he insists. "It's just...you're too much like me."

Mandy's expression sobers. She remembers coming to the Great Hall for the first time and McGonagall placing the Sorting Hat on her head. She hears its words: _Ah, a talented and creative mind, I see. Ravenclaw would open doors for you, I have no doubt... And yet, you have drive and an overwhelming sense of ambition. You hunger for success and belonging and you thrive in competition...Yes, you'd do very well in Slytherin._

In the end, the choice was hers to make. She had thought about her family, her mother having been a Ravenclaw and her father a Hufflepuff. All she wanted was to do well in school and to please them. She wanted them to be proud of her and she was afraid what would happen should she take the road less travelled. So she decided to go with the safer option, the one where she was certain she would have a place.

He isn't surprised when she tells him that she was nearly a Slytherin. When she confides in him that she's worried she made the wrong decision, he dismisses the worry almost immediately. "Don't think about that. In a situation like that, there is no right and wrong. Only choices."

Theo is Slytherin through and through. The Sorting Hat didn't even consider him for another house. This worries her a bit, because Mandy believes that in this war, there is a clear line between good and evil. If put to the test, she knows where she'll stand. Part of her is unsure if Theo can say the same.

Mandy decides not to voice her concern. She doesn't feel comfortable doing that yet and leaves the question to hang in the air between them unasked.

* * *

In the library, Mandy has carved out a universe for her and Theo. There, they can choose how they want the other to see them, without any sort of loyalties or expectations getting in the way. In Ravenclaw Tower, it's a different story. Padma, still wounded by Mandy's dissent, takes great care to mention her new friend Theodore Nott. She frames this recent addition to Mandy's social circle as the ultimate moral treachery.

"Honestly, Mandy," she lets out a patronizing sigh from her four-poster, "I don't see why you feel the need to waste your time with him when you have three good friends right here."

"I don't see it as a waste of time," Mandy protests weakly. "It's more like...Like a learning opportunity."

"A learning opportunity – for _him_." Padma's eyes blaze in triumph. "I bet he's spying on you. The Carrows have their goons watching Parvati's and my every move. Maybe he thinks that you'll slip and give him a clue as to what we're up to."

Mandy can't help but roll her eyes at this theory. "This may be news to you, Padma, but not everything that happens at this school revolves around you."

She can see that this comment has provoked her, and Padma is quick to retaliate. "Well, that doesn't change the kind of people _he_ calls as friends. Dark Lord worshippers and Muggle-haters. And it's an insult to _your_ friends, like Sue - remember her?"

Sue, who has been reading over her Arithmancy notes for the past hour, looks up at them in a daze. "What is it?" she asks, indifferent to their conversation.

Padma goes on impatiently. "Your father is a Muggle. Don't you find it unacceptable that Mandy fraternizes with the son of a Death Eater?"

Mandy gazes at Sue, who has always been a reliable ally in conflicts with their more abrasive roommates. And sure enough, Sue merely shrugs at Padma and says, "Mandy can talk to whomever she likes."

"Besides," Mandy interjects. "I'm also a half blood, if you don't recall. My muggleborn mother would be persecuted at this very moment. That is, if she weren't already dead."

Her fierce words silence Padma and effectively end the conversation.

* * *

Mandy's row with Padma leads her to contemplate both hers and Theo's lineage. She is the daughter of a muggleborn. He is the son of a Death Eater – surely, that doesn't mean he bears his father's sins. She finds the thought troubling and works up the courage to ask the next time she sees him.

"You never talk about your family." It comes out like an accusation, cutting through their companionable silence like a knife. It's nothing against him. Mandy's just desperate to retrieve something she can take to Padma, if only to shove it back in her face.

Theo looks up from his Ancient Runes textbook to reply. "Well, you never asked."

"I'm asking now." Her frankness catches the both of them by surprise.

He leans back in seat to study her closely. "Why the sudden curiosity, Mandy Brocklehurst?" Her surname rolls off his tongue – not a threat exactly, but a reminder of her own family, of where she comes from.

"I was just wondering," she says, struggling to keep her facial expression blank.

"My father's a recovering alcoholic and my mum's dead," he answers in a neutral tone. "And, if I'm correct in assuming this is why you're asking, I'm nothing like either of them."

 _Not a Death Eater._ He doesn't say this outright, but it is implied.

With his confession, Mandy relaxes her shoulders. "Oh. Well, with parents like that it doesn't sound like you had the most agreeable childhood."

"No," Theo agrees. "But I made it through." He doesn't break eye contact when he says, "It's me who should be offering the condolences. She passed away recently, didn't she? Your mother."

At the mention of her mother, Mandy's mouth runs dry. "Yes, she did. This past summer." She doesn't offer more on the subject out of fear of slipping up.

"I'm very sorry to hear that," he says. He looks genuine about it.

"Thank you." She can feel her heart pounding in her ears. She doesn't mean to say it, but the paranoia is getting to her and she can't help herself. "If you don't mind me asking, how did… did you…?"

"How did I hear about it?" Theo finishes her sentence. "I remember my father mentioning it."

"He did?"

His father, the Death Eater, had told him about her own mother's death? Mandy can feel her blood run cold. It hadn't been a casual mention, that's for sure.

His dark eyes meet hers. Behind them lurks an emotion Mandy can't place. "A uniquely tragic incident, he'd called it," Theo elaborates. " _Unbelievably_ tragic, I believe were his exact words."

Unbelievable. Does he mean to say…

Mandy jerks back in her seat, ready to run away. But, out of nowhere, Theo reaches for her hand to stop her. He does not break eye contact for a minute when he tells her, "My father also said he is convinced that your mother has found peace. I hope that knowing this will bring you peace as well."

She feels like she can't breathe. She knows instantly the double-meaning behind his words: _they aren't looking for her. You don't have to be afraid._

Her eyes well up with tears of relief. "Thank you," she whispers.

He squeezes her hand, even offers her a tiny smile. He doesn't have to – her mother is muggleborn, why should he care? The smile is just another suckerpunch to her heart strings. Mandy knows where he comes from. And still, she wants to beg him, _don't you ever let go_.

* * *

Come October, Mandy hardly ever sees Padma. She suspects that she is off plotting insurgency, or otherwise taking unnecessary risks for a war that has already been lost, with her Dumbledore's Army friends. As for Mandy, she's spending time in her dormitory less and less. She's taken to the library, where she and Theodore have stopped restricting their meetings to Saturday mornings. They're there practically every day of the week. But despite all extra energy she expends on studying, she doubts that it will have any any impact on her marks. For every hour she's in the library, she spends at least half that time getting distracted by Theo and his loveliness. He always seems to have some kind of fresh perspective on life to offer her. One day, he makes her laugh with an intelligent remark comparing a house elf to a trusty quill. She can't remember what exactly he said but she knows that it has left her pink-faced and breathless. She hasn't laughed like that in years.

"It's nice to see you smile like that," he says, after observing her for several moments.

His comment makes her face flush even more. "What do you mean?"

"When you smile like that, it's unguarded. It's _real_. And it makes me feel like I'm the funniest bloke on earth, so I'm alright with that."

He's embarrassing her. She wants to stop smiling but she finds that she can't. "Not the funniest," she counters. "The cleverest maybe."

"The cleverest? Okay then." It's Theo's turn to blush. Mandy realizes with astonishment that for once, he actually seems nervous to be around her. She can see the wheels in his mind turning as he debates startling her with his next statement. "Halloween is next week," he says abruptly.

"Oh?" She had not been expecting that.

"I was planning to go to Hogsmeade that weekend," he states, carefully watching her reaction. "Maybe you want to come with me."

He's asking her out on a date? Mandy can barely contain her own excitement. "Well, y-yes that would be great!" she stammers in what she hopes sounds like a confident yet casual agreement to his invitation. Then she remembers: Hogsmeade visits have largely been banned to students due to the curfew and tightened security. "Don't you need, like, special permission to leave the castle?" she asks, lamely.

At this, Theo barks out a laugh. He crosses his arms and leans back in his seat, his dark eyes glimmering with a playfulness Mandy has never seen before. "Like you said," he answers breezily, "I'm a clever kind of bloke. Rest assured, I'll sort something out."

* * *

It turns out, there's really not much to sort. On Halloween, Theodore meets her at the clock tower. They walk side-by-side to the gate on the outskirts of the grounds. Mandy is suddenly aware of her tensed shoulders and awkward gait. She realizes that this is one of the few times they've seen each other outside of the library and she's unsure how to behave.

At the gate stands Amycus Carrow, leering out at them with his beady little eyes. He frightens Mandy. She's seen what goes on in his detentions. She's ready to turn back, but Theo only chortles at her hesitation. "Relax," he whispers to her. As they approach the gate, he takes her hand. She feels her pulse quicken.

"Professor Carrow," he greets respectfully.

"Nott," he returns gruffly. "How's your father?"

"He is well," Theo replies. He doesn't shrink back in fear, but remains unphased. That alone is defiance.

Mandy watches with bated breath as Carrow takes note of their linked hands and Theo's amiable grin.

"An' who's this?" He sizes her up immediately. Stiffening in response, she wants nothing more than to stick her head in the sand like an ostrich until the danger has passed.

Thankfully, Theo answers for her. "Mandy." Then he squeezes her hand in reassurance and adds, "My date."

"A date, eh?" He squints at her, before stepping aside and saying, "You two best behave yourselves. Or your father 'ill be hearin' about this."

By some grace of god, Carrow decides not to pester them any further and goes on his merry way. It's only when they're halfway up the path to Hogsmeade that Mandy releases the breath she'd been holding back.

"How do you do that?" she demands.

"Do what?" Theo asks.

"Hold your own against the Carrows like that."

"They're old friends of my father. I've got no reason to be afraid of them."

In this new pecking order, Mandy realizes the extent to which the rules do not pertain to the children of Death Eaters. She also notices that Theo has not yet relinquished his grip on her hand. She hopes he never does. She likes the newfound protection his presence brings her. Considering the fact that they are about to face an uncertain future overshadowed by You-Know-Who's reign, certainly it couldn't hurt Mandy to have someone like Theo by her side.

Inevitably, she wonders what her muggleborn mother would think. Would she consider it treachery, to hang about the likes of a Nott?

Walking so close together, Mandy is struck by how tall he is. Even though she is of average height, Theo dwarfs her. When she was younger, she used to think of him as a bit of a scrawny thing. Some time after fourth year, he has shot up and even filled out a little. While not the dreamboat Roger Davies had been, Theo possesses a mysterious charm behind those angular features. She studies his dusty brown hair all the way down to his Roman nose to the pale skin stretched taut across his cheekbones. A distinct face – one she could study for hours. _Definitely not a Roger Davies_ , Mandy muses. But he'd do.

Theo catches her staring at him. She looks away, embarrassed.

"You won't find the answers you're looking for there, you know."

His comment catches her off guard. Mandy stops in her tracks, flustered. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, you know..." He smirks at her.

"No, I really don't."

Maybe it was a mistake to come all the way out here with him. Mandy doesn't like it – how it always feels like he's on to her. As though he could read her very thoughts. She likes to think that she could outsmart the average person, but Theodore Nott anything but.

He also stops walking to face her. By the look on his face, it looks as though he is deliberating something. But after a moment of reflection, Theo closes the distance between them with two decisive strides.

"I was going to wait until we got to Hogsmeade to do this, but to hell with it."

Before Mandy can respond, he tilts his head and kisses her squarely on the lips.

* * *

News of Mandy's date travels fast. By the time she returns to Ravenclaw Tower, it is full of bewildered and accusing glances. As it happens, a concerned Terry Boot had seen her leave the castle with Theodore Nott. Terry then approached Lisa Turpin to ask if she had any idea what was going on. Lisa, less enraged that Mandy has gone out with a Slytherin and more put off by the fact that she has to hear about it from someone else, sees no choice but to confront her.

"Mandy, how could you?" cries Lisa the moment Mandy steps foot into the common room, still smiling from the kiss – or kisses, rather. Theo had taken her to Madam Puddifoot's and laid one on her over the sugar bowl; and once more, in front of the Shrieking Shack; and a third time when they got back to Hogwarts, before they parted ways. Mandy, still reeling from that last one, hardly takes notice of Lisa's hysterics.

"What are you talking about?" she asks absentmindedly. She is lost in Theo, in the romance, in the mystery of it all.

Lisa releases a groan of frustration, which jolts Mandy out of her reverie. "You snogged Theodore Nott," she wails for all of Ravenclaw House to hear. "He's vile. He's a Slytherin. How could you?"

" _What?_ " Mandy is confused. Lisa is _supposed_ to be her friend, and here she is, assaulting Mandy with public accusations.

"We all saw the pair of you," Lisa viciously embellishes. "Snogging, shamelessly, in front of the entire school!"

Sue, much calmer than Lisa, quickly intervenes. "What Lisa means to say," Sue begins with a sideways glance at Lisa, who's fuming, "is that you've been acting oddly since… Well, since your mum passed away."

Her mother's death? Is that what they think this is about?

Any other day, she might have found their sympathy touching, but Mandy is still not ready to let things go. "Thank you for your concern, Sue," she says icily, "but I don't have to explain myself to any one of you." Turning on her heel, she ignores the other Ravenclaws' startled looks as she whisks past them on her way to the seventh year girls' dormitory.

* * *

The Potions classroom is, predictably, dark and muggy. Mandy hasn't been there since her fifth year, having found the subject so unbearable she decided not to carry on at the N.E.W.T. level. She's chosen instead to pour her heart into Transfiguration, a class she's always excelled in (because for most of her life, Mandy's wanted nothing more than to be something else). Never in her life did she think she would enjoy being in the dungeons. Like the library, she has been finding herself down there more and more – because that's where Theo is (and her fellow Ravenclaws aren't).

They are both here because Theo has requested the Potions classroom for extra practice; and, as Mandy has begun to realize, Theo often gets his wish. She watches in rapt fascination as he chops up Valerian root with surgical precision. When he leans over his cauldron, wisps of hair tumble over his furrowed brow. Mandy has stayed silent for the past half hour, not daring to distract him. When he adds the root to the potion, it turns the most beautiful shade of pink. It's perfect, and Mandy squeals in delight.

Smiling in triumph, Theo ladles some of the potion into a vial. "Wizards and Witches," he says in a mock-announcer voice, "I present to you… The Draught of Living Death!"

In response, Mandy throws her arms around his neck. "Now that," she says, "is reason to celebrate."

Not needing any further encouragement, he swoops down for a kiss. Mandy obliges him, simultaneously bewildered by her own antics. In the past few weeks, Theo has made her playful, fun, and – dare she say it – sexy. She doesn't care if it's real or not, because she will ride on this borrowed confidence for all that it's worth.

Not that it matters, because any rational thoughts she might have had are shot to hell the second his lips brush against her jugular. She gasps at the sensation, threading her fingers through his hair. She will take any excuse to get closer.

Alarm enchantments go off throughout the castle, signaling curfew and bringing an abrupt end to Theo's hands' exploration beneath her shirt. He pulls back with a strangled groan as the both of them catch some much-needed breath. Mandy thinks about returning to Ravenclaw Tower, to the judging glares of her roommates. How she would much rather be in the dungeons instead!

She sighs, leaning against his shoulder. "I really don't want to go back."

"Then don't."

"You mean..."

"Sleep with me." When Mandy looks up in surprise, he clarifies, "Just sleeping. Unless, of course…" He trails off, teasing her with sexual innuendo.

She laughs, then hesitates. "Is that allowed?" But the moment the question leaves her mouth, she immediately feels stupid.

Theo laughs and kisses her lightly on the forehead. "Mandy, my dear, when are you going to learn that you can do anything you set your mind to?"

They straighten their uniforms and gather their things, then he leads her to deep into Slytherin territory. She's never been to their dungeons before, so she wonders why he's taken her to an unassuming stone wall. Then he utters the password – "Leviathan" – and the passageway appears. He takes her hand, and Mandy finds herself in another house for the first time. The first thing that strikes her is how different it is from her starry Ravenclaw Tower. Their subterrestrial common room, on the other hand, feels grand and ethereal and mysterious – much like her boyfriend. When they enter the room, Mandy notices how a few curious heads turn – but just as quickly, they go back to minding their own business.

"Slytherins," Theo whispers in her ear. "We're nothing if not discrete."

He brings her to the seventh year boys' dormitory. It's empty save for Blaise Zabini, who is lying in bed reading and, by all accounts, seems unperturbed by Mandy's appearance.

"Hello," she says to him.

Blaise merely grunts in response. With a flick of his wand, the curtains flutter shut around his four-poster bed, granting them their privacy.

"Don't mind him," says Theo. He rummages through his drawers for two sets of pyjamas, then turns around so Mandy can change. The shirt sleeves are cartoonishly long and the hem nearly goes down to her knees; she doesn't even bother with the pants. Theo smiles approvingly when he sees her wearing his clothes.

"Now _that_ is a sight I could get used to."

Mandy blushes as they crawl into bed. Like Blaise, Theo waves his wand and the curtains come swinging down on all four sides, bathing them in a glow of emerald green. He continues to mutter a couple enchantments.

"Quieting charms," he explains. "So we aren't disturbed when Crabbe and Goyle come in."

"Where are they?" she asks.

"Probably with the Carrows overseeing detention."

Theo might think nothing of it, but the statement hits Mandy like a smack. She knows all too well what goes on in those detentions. She pictures the two blundering idiots using the Cruciatus Curse on a helpless first year. And then she remembers Terry Boot, who had to be carried back to their common room beaten and bloody – most likely for having had stood up to Theodore Nott's roommates. She's always known this but now, being here, the thought of having to associate with them makes Mandy sick.

"I should go," she says, abruptly pushing back the covers and reaching for her robes.

"Wait a minute. What do you mean you're going?" Theo takes her by both arms, steering her to a stop.

She stares at the duvet to avoid making eye contact. "They do the most awful things," she struggles to explain, feeling as though her vocal chords are constricting. "And yet they're your friends."

It's Theo's turn to look as though he'd been slapped. "Let's get one thing straight: I may live with them, but that doesn't mean we're friends. And it certainly doesn't mean I condone what they're doing." Scooting closer, he cups Mandy's face in his hand and tilts her chin up to look at him. "I may be a pure blood, but I'm on my own path. I thought you knew that."

Mandy closes her eyes, feeling the warmth of his palm against her cheek. "Of course I know that, Theo. I'm sorry. It's just… this mad world we live in."

Vaguely, she remembers a time when house loyalties didn't really matter beyond what team you rooted for during Quidditch season. Now, as the Wizarding World burns down around them, she can only think of Theo's bed as an imagined island, a neutral zone of their own choosing.

Tears start to spill before she can stop them. Theo is quick to brush them away. He pulls her into his arms and whispers, "Don't think about them, Mandy. Be here with me. Can you do that?"

She finds herself nodding as she settles into his embrace. Between the rise and fall of Theo's breathing, combined with the sound of the Great Lake lapping against the windows, Mandy slowly drifts off to sleep.

* * *

Before long, she is spending more nights in Theo's bed than in her own. Her absence from Ravenclaw Tower does not go unnoticed, and she quickly learns that dating the son of a Death Eater has its own consequences. Soon, whispers follow her everywhere. The long-overshadowed Mandy Brocklehurst has been shoved into the spotlight overnight. That's what she wanted, isn't it? To be recognized. To be noticed.

Instead, she has been branded as a persona non grata among her own kind. It is not a Ravenclaw's way to treat others with outright hostility. In the battle of good people versus Death Eaters, Mandy has chosen her own side; she has been faced with nothing more than chilly distrust as a result.

Stuck in a strange sort of limbo, with less allies than before, she should feel lonelier. But she's too wrapped up in Theodore Nott to notice. She's falling in love with him against her better judgement. With a desperate pang, she wonders once again what her mother would think if she knew. He's brilliant; surely, in another lifetime, Mandy knows she would have approved. Sometimes, she imagines them meeting. She imagines Theo asking her father for permission to marry her. She tries to envision herself in her mother's old wedding dress. Another world, she reminds herself. Maybe, just maybe, after this forsaken war.

Christmas holidays roll around – the first Christmas without her mother. Mandy dreads coming home to her dark and gloomy house. Even more so, she dreads having to go two full weeks without seeing Theodore. The morning before the Hogwarts Express is scheduled to leave, they take a walk around the lake. A fresh layer of frost dots the ground and her teeth are chattering. Theo drapes his lanky arms around her to keep her warm.

The both of them gaze out at the rolling hills in the distance. She's about to tell him how much she will miss him when Theo interjects, "I want you to visit me."

The admission catches Mandy by surprise. "Visit you?" she asks, incredulous.

He nods. "I've told my father about you. You're to come by for tea on the 26th."

It's not a request.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" The thought of going inside a Death Eater's snake pit of a home makes Mandy nervous, even if it's Theo's home as well.

Even he hesitates. "I don't know. All I know is that I'll go mad if I have to spend two weeks alone with him." Then he looks away and mutters, "Azkaban changed him."

She understands now that she isn't the only one who's afraid of going home. So she agrees, and Theo gives her his address and they decide on a time when she can Apparate over. She doesn't dare tell her father that she plans on going over there. Not when he picks her up at King's Cross Station. Not when they're exchanging Christmas presents, at which her father is normally hopeless; this year, however, he offers her a golden pendant necklace that belonged to her mother. The gesture nearly brings tears to her eyes, and makes the Self-Warming socks she had bought for him look pathetic.

After Christmas dinner, she announces that she will be visiting Sue Li the following afternoon.

Her father sends an unsuspecting smile her way. "Of course, sweetheart," he says. "It would be good for you to see your friends."

She looks down at her lap, swallowing the guilt she feels from lying.

The next day at exactly a quarter to four, Mandy stares at the photo Theo has given her of his home. She thinks long and hard about a place called Eald Nott Court before closing her eyes and Apparating. When she opens them, she finds herself standing in front of a wrought iron gate. Beyond the gate lies a disheveled garden path and a sizeable manor house, which, admittedly, has seen better days. Many of the leaded glass windows are lacking in luster and the roof is missing quite a few shingles. Nonetheless, Mandy can't help but feel insignificant in comparison (which, she figures, is probably the point).

"Mandy!"

In the distance, Theo's towering form is unmistakable. As he jogs down the path, the gates magically swing open and Mandy rushes to meet him. She can't keep the stupid grin off her face when he kisses her.

"You have no idea how glad I am to see you," he whispers. Then he grabs her hand and leads her to the manor. A house-elf opens the door, and Mandy can't help but be surprised.

"Mandy, meet Tilly," says Theo as he helps her out of her scarf and coat.

Tilly bows her head and says, "Tilly is honored to welcome Miss Brocklehurst to the noble Nott family home." Then she takes Mandy's things from Theo and hobbles out of the room.

Theo notices the uneasy look on Mandy's face. "I know," he grimaces. "I'm not too fond of the institution either."

She spins around, taking in the cavernous foyer with its tiled checkered floor and crystal chandelier. Even in the daylight, the home has a stifling, mausoleum-like feel.

"I can't believe you grew up here," is all she can say.

Theo is about to reply when a tall, white-haired figure appears at the top of the serpentine staircase: his father.

"You must be Mandy," he calls down to her, leaning heavily on the balustrade as he descends one creaky step at a time. "It's good of you to come."

He has a limp. Mandy remembers reading in the Daily Prophet that he was badly injured two years ago at the Department of Mysteries. She wonders if the two events are related. When he finally reaches the ground level, he holds out his hand. Mandy shakes it in return, fighting the bizarre impulse to curtsy.

"Pleasure to meet you, sir," she says, wincing at how mousy her voice must sound in comparison.

Mr. Nott grins at her, but the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. When he gestures into the parlor and says, "Come, have a drink," Mandy knows the inquisition is just beginning.

She takes a seat beside Theo on an antique couch with red velvet cushions. His father plants himself across from them, in a wingback armchair on the other side of the fireplace. Tilly comes and serves them all tea. Mandy balances her cup in her lap, because she knows all too well that her hands will be shaking.

"So," says Nott, leaning back in his chair. "You're the girl who's stolen my son's heart."

Mandy blushes, smiling in spite of her nerves. "I don't know if I would put it that way, sir," she tells him.

"Nonsense," says Theo. "You know by now that I'm absolutely smitten." Then he nods at her in encouragement.

"Theodore tells me you're a Ravenclaw?"

"That would be correct."

"And you have no reservations about dating outside your house?"

Mandy looks up in surprise. "No, sir," she says. "Not at all."

Her answer seems to satisfy him for the time being. Then he moves on to her lineage.

"Your father is Harvey Brocklehurst?"

"Yes, sir."

"And he works at the Ministry?"

"Yes, at the Portkey Office," answers Mandy. She glances at Theo in discomfort. It's starting to feel less and less like a conversation, and more like a one-sided interview.

"And your mother?" asks Theo's father. Mandy tries not to stiffen, even though he's watching her like a hawk.

"Recently deceased," she says, taking a large gulp of her tea to avoid elaborating.

Mr. Nott pauses, then lets out a sigh. "What a pity." Thankfully, he doesn't question her about her mother any further.

Tilly brings out trays of biscuits and sandwiches, and Mandy is glad to not be the focus of conversation – even if only for a few moments.

She takes a bite of a cucumber canapé before gazing out the parlor window. They are surrounded by green on all sides, and there are no neighbors in sight.

"You have a lovely home," she remarks. Even though it is rather dark on the inside, she can still appreciate its grandeur and beauty.

Nott chuckles. "You're very kind. This land has belonged to our family since the eleventh century. Where did you say your family lives, dear?"

"London," answers Mandy. "But we're originally from Lancashire."

This peaks his interest. "Ah yes, the Brocklehursts of Lancashire. You may have some links to the Hufflepuff bloodline, if memory serves."

Mandy blinks in amazement. "Yes, actually. My father was a Hufflepuff. I remember him saying that he could be a descendant of one of Helga Hufflepuff's second cousins, but we can't be sure."

Hypothesis alone appears to be enough to appease the elder Nott. He goes on, "Our family are among the Sacred Twenty-Eight Pure-Blood families, as I'm sure Theodore has told you."

"She knows, Father," snaps Theo.

His father ignores him, stroking his chin thoughtfully as he studies her. "Have you thought at all about what you would like to do after you finish Hogwarts, Mandy?"

"I've thought about also working at the Ministry, perhaps in Experimental Spells," she tells him honestly.

"Mandy is rather gifted in Transfiguration," Theo explains.

Mr. Nott raises his eyebrows. "Is she now?"

Beside her, Theo smiles and says, "Go on then. Show us that charm you were working on last week."

Mandy scans the room for inspiration and spots a golden candelabra on the mantel.

She points her wand at it, and suddenly it morphs into a shimmering yellow garden snake. It deftly slithers from the hearth to the tiled floor, where it winds its way around the leg of Mr. Nott's chair.

Theo's father looks down at the snake and smiles. "Now that's quite a lovely piece of magic you've got there."

She blushes, relieved that he was impressed. She feels as though a great weight has been lifted from her, as though she as passed some kind of important test.

They chat for the better part of the hour. Momentarily, Mandy forgets the kind of person Theo's father is. Theo also manages to be civil with him, even though he has told her about their strained relationship. To Mandy, Mr. Nott appears relatively normal (albeit, a bit more obsessed with bloodline than the average wizard). Foolishly, she feels herself let her guard down – until Tilly returns to the parlor with news.

"Master Nott," she squeaks. "An owl has just arrived for you."

"Yes, of course." He reaches over to set his cup down on the table between them. His sleeve slides up his left forearm, far enough for Mandy to spy a sliver of the black tattoo that lay beneath. The Dark Mark, she realizes with a shudder.

Standing, Theo's father offers his apologizes. "Please excuse me, Mandy. I believe this is business. Theo, be a good host and show your guest around." Then he sweeps from the room without another word.

When he leaves, Theo gazes at her, astonished. "Well, I must say, that couldn't have gone any better."

"Are you surprised?" Mandy asks. In the back of her mind, she wonders what sort of business Mr. Nott could possibly have over Christmas holidays. Death Eater business, no doubt. Has You-Know-Who sent for him personally? Mandy doesn't want to know, but she only wishes she could ask: _how many people has your father killed?_

Theo wastes no time giving Mandy a tour of the house. It's even gloomier than her own, and she can hardly picture anyone having a happy childhood here. There is one room that she finds almost bearable, and it's the library. There, hanging on the wall across from the window bench, is a portrait of a stern-looking woman with a hook nose and a steel grey dress.

"Well, well," drawls the portrait, "Who have you brought me this time, Theodore?"

Theodore rolls his eyes. "I've never brought you anyone, Mother. You know that."

"Mother?" Mandy takes a closer look. With the same dark eyes and angular features, the woman in the portrait could easily pass for a female version of Theo.

"She commissioned that painting right before my parents realized they loathed each other," explains Theo. "They thought a child would solve the problems in their relationship. Then I came along after nearly twenty years of marriage, and they hated each other even more." He shoves his hands into his pockets and goes on, matter-of-factly. "When normal witches are miserable, they ask for a divorce. She killed herself instead."

Mandy gasps. "Theo, I didn't know."

He looks back at her. There's no grief or anger in his eyes, only solemn acceptance. "I wasn't supposed to see it happen. Maybe she wouldn't have gone through with it if she knew."

She takes his hand. The last stop on the tour is his bedroom.

There comes a time when unearthing the inner workings of a person's mind is no longer enough; you want to understand their body too. That leaves them with one natural thing left to do. Shirts are unbuttoned, belts unbuckled, and pants unzipped. They are both in uncharted territory, but Mandy is not afraid. She doesn't cry out when he thrusts into her. She focuses instead on the sensations: fresh sheets beneath bare shoulders, veins pumping beneath clammy skin.

A year ago, this might have broken her. The world is different now. Mandy is different. She knows who she is now. Her desires are different. And in this moment, all she wants is Theodore Nott in any way she can have him.

And just as quickly, it is over. Theo collapses on top of the pillows, careful not to crush her. They lie there in silence, their breathing in tune, their limbs intertwined.

 _I love you_ , Mandy wants to say. She doesn't bother, because he already knows exactly what she is thinking.

* * *

Back at school, Mandy wonders if anyone can see the change in her. She remembers when Saoirse Fawcett lost her virginity to Alo Stebbins back in Fourth Year. Saoirse was only a year older, but back then she'd seemed so awfully grown up. Mandy had developed a theory that your skin changes the moment a boy touches you for the first time, marking you as a creature worthy of being desired.

She knows now that this is codswallop. But when Sue Li walks in as Mandy is rummaging around the dormitory for a change of clothes, she definitely looks twice.

"Did you have a good holiday?" asks Sue, eying her roommate with a quizzical expression.

"It was alright," Mandy replies. "Yours?"

"Uneventful, but I suppose that's a good thing," she says, sighing.

It's one of the last exchanges they have for a while because Mandy has all but moved into Theo's dormitory – a fact to which Blaise Zabini, Crabbe, and Goyle are indifferent (the latter two not hanging around long enough to care). But someone somewhere has brought the issue to Professor Slughorn's attention. It's by no coincidence that he calls them both to his office – on the day before Valentine's Day no less.

Mandy listens, mortified, as Slughorn explains that while it is normal for "curious-minded, hot-blooded young people such as yourselves" to want to explore, he as Head of Slytherin House cannot allow things to carry on in such a flagrant manner.

"There's nothing wrong with exercising a bit of discretion," adds Slughorn. "I'm sure you, Mr. Nott, will agree with me."

"No. I'm sorry, Professor, but I don't," Theo shoots back.

The normally good-natured Potions Master leans back, pursing his lips. "Pray tell, Theodore," he asks him. "Why would that be?"

Theo doesn't falter once when he explains. "The way I see it, this is between myself and my dorm mates. I find it hard to believe that any of them issued a complaint. Therefore, you have no grounds to-"

"Yes, but Theodore," Slughorn cuts him off, "school policy clearly states-"

" _This school_ ," Theo continues, "has more important things to worry about than what I do with my girlfriend." Then his voice lowers every so slightly. "If you feel that strongly on the subject, Professor, perhaps you should take things up with my father. You were good friends with him once, when the relationship suited you. Think of this as an excuse to get reacquainted."

It's a thinly veiled threat if Mandy has ever seen one. She just sits there, looking as dumbfounded as Slughorn. Theo practically has to haul her out of the office as he bids the Head of Slytherin House goodnight.

They're not even out of the dungeons when Mandy claws her arm free from his grip. "Merlin's Beard, Theo," she hisses. "You _threatened_ a teacher!"

"Oh, come off it, Mandy," Theo scoffs. "Now is not the time to get on your moral high horse."

"At least I have morals," Mandy retorts. " _We_ broke the rules, and _you_ said you'd bring the wrath of the Death Eaters down on him for calling us out on it. What is wrong with you?" she demands.

Theo lets out a dry laugh. "I don't believe this."

" _What?_ " Mandy is practically in hysterics. "What is it that you can't believe?"

"For starters, it's been pretty much smooth sailing for you this year compared to other students. You haven't been bothered or questioned. You don't think that I have something to do with it?"

She feels the blood drain from her face. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that if I have a card to play, I'll play it. And when we both stand to benefit, you have no reason to complain."

He says it so coolly, so phlegmatically, just like the Slytherin he is. Mandy wants to hit him, but not as much as she wants to cry. Because he's right about everything. She knows he is.

He sees all of this in her eyes and reaches out, tucking a wayward strand behind her ear. "Come on," he says, more gently than before. "You'll feel better after you've had some dinner."

* * *

They hardly fight after that. They continue to study together, sleep in the same bed (despite Slughorn's objections), and make love every night. Mandy is still in love with Theodore, but something has changed inside her. It's as though she's woken up from a dream. She knows now what it truly means to be on the sidelines and it is no longer enough. Suddenly, she needs to do more.

She starts by asking Padma to borrow her copy of _Best Dueling_ _Practices_ – a Ravenclaw's idea of an olive branch. She reads the manual cover to cover, thinking a background in theory is better than nothing at all.

Then she finally asks Padma to demonstrate a few spells for her. On one rainy afternoon in March, they take over the Ravenclaw common room. With Michael and Terry's help, Padma walks Mandy through the basics. After practicing with them for two hours, Mandy can successfully stun, block, and disarm. They attempt to teach her how to produce a Patronus charm, but all that comes out of her wand is a thin, silvery mist.

Padma sighs. "If only Harry were here right now. He was so good at explaining…"

Even she can sense that something is different about Mandy, but she doesn't yet invite her to join Dumbledore's Army. They both know that she's not quite ready.

Mandy still doesn't know what they're training for. She knows only that there is something bigger out there – bigger than herself, bigger than her grades, bigger than her family. And she needs to be a part of it.

But she doesn't expect to be put to the test quite so soon. She's in Astronomy class peering through her telescope when Professor Sinistra tells her that she is wanted in Alecto Carrow's office. A hush of dread ripples across the classroom. Although she thinks she might faint, Mandy wills her body to move, to collect her things and descend from the Astronomy Tower one step at a time.

The female Carrow might not appear as threatening as her brother, but she too has her own brand of nastiness. When Mandy steps into her office above the Muggle Studies classroom, she is already waiting, eager to deliver the death sentence.

"This is the one?" Carrow asks Goyle, who is sneering at Mandy from over her shoulder.

"Yes, that's the one," he confirms. Mandy notices that he already has his wand drawn. She's itching to do the same.

"Mandy Brocklehurst," she says, eying her up and down in distaste. "I daresay you know why I've called you into my office today."

She works up the courage to look her in the eye when she replies. "No, Professor. I'm afraid I don't."

This only makes the corners of the Death Eater's mouth turn up even further. "No?" wheedles Carrow. "Well, we thought it would be common courtesy to inform you that we've located your mother's whereabouts."

Mandy hears the blood pumping in her ears. She tries to bluff, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yes, Mandy, you do. And if I were in your shoes, I'd adopt a more cooperative attitude."

"My mother is-"

"Dead?" Carrow lets out a wheezy, high-pitched chuckle. "Not quite, but I can assure you, she has a fate far worse than that waiting for her at Azkaban."

Mandy feels her blood run cold. "No-"

"Snatchers picked her up earlier today. She's being taken to the Ministry now. As for the punishment for staging her own death – well, let's just say that imprisonment is the least of your worries."

She pauses, taking pleasure in watching the horror of her words sink in.

Mandy knows what they can do to her mother. A million horrifying images flash before her eyes. She fights back the urge to vomit. She wants to yell. Instead, the voice that comes out is hoarse and unrecognizable.

"You can't do this."

Carrow's mouth stretches into a frog grin. "You surprise me, Mandy. I'd have thought you to be more sympathetic of our cause. After all, from what Mr. Goyle tells me, you've been cozying up with one of our own."

"That's right," says Goyle, looking at Mandy as though she were muck at the bottom of his shoes. "Slobbering all over Nott, taking up shop in the Slytherin common room, acting like she owns it."

"Perhaps it's time to remind the filthy half blood of her place," snickers Carrow. "Goyle, if you don't mind."

He takes aim. Mandy hardly has time to draw her wand. She tries to shield herself.

" _Prote-"_

" _Expelliarmus!"_

But she is outnumbered and outmatched. Her wand clatters to the floor. Before she can plead for mercy, Goyle already has a sickening smirk on his face.

" _Crucio!"_

Pain, unlike anything Mandy has ever experienced, penetrates every inch of her body. She feels as though she is being torn apart limb by limb. The spell couldn't have lasted more than a couple minutes, but it feels like half a century. By the time Goyle lets her catch her breath, her bones ache and her throat is raw from screaming.

Carrow saunters over to Mandy, who is heaving on her hands and knees, and crouches beside her. "Mandy, I want you to tell us everything you know about your Mudblood mother and her accomplices."

She begs, "Please, I don't know anything."

Carrow isn't playing around. She gestures for Goyle to come forward once more.

Fear grips Mandy's core. "No, not again, please!" she shrieks.

" _Crucio!"_

The spell hits her harder and longer this time. She screams and begs – but she doesn't have anything they want to know.

When it's over for the second time, Carrow grabs a fistful of Mandy's hair and forces her to look her in the eye. "Now, I want you to think very carefully this time. Did your mother tell you anything about her contacts or any other Mudbloods they might be hiding?"

"No," Mandy sobs. "Please, believe me, I don't know. I don't know anything..."

For a terrifying second, she thinks Carrow will have Goyle use the Cruciatus Curse on her again. Then the door opens, and it's far worse.

"Ah, Theodore, pleasure for you to join us," Carrow greets the newcomer in mock cheer. "Your girlfriend and I were just have a friendly chat."

Mandy catches a glimpse of Theo as he walks in. His jaw is set, his face expressionless. "What is going on here?" he demands.

"Theo," she cries out to him. "Theo, tell them! Tell them I don't know!"

"It seems that Miss Brocklehurst might be withholding information regarding her mummy's Mudblood friends," explains Carrow. "Goyle and I have been patient with her, but with little success. Perhaps you would be a bit more… persuasive."

Theo is stock still. _"No,"_ he says forcefully. "She's done nothing wrong. Let her go."

Carrow purses her lips. "Just whose side are you playing for, boy?" she hisses. "You choose this blood traitor over your own?"

Theo is silent for several moments. He can't even look at her. It's only then that Mandy realizes what they're asking from him.

"No," she begs. "Theo, please-"

"Shut up," Goyle grits out. To Theo, he spits, "Go on, Nott. Don't be a prat."

Finally, he looks down at her. Mandy can see nothing in his dark eyes when he raises his wand. Numbly, she watches as his lips move.

" _Crucio!"_

Physically, it doesn't hurt as much as it does with Goyle. He doesn't mean it, doesn't relish in her suffering. But the betrayal slashes through Mandy like a knife. It rips her apart, far worse than any Unforgivable. She screams and sobs long after the spell is over.

Carrow questions her once more, but Mandy's answer hasn't changed – she knows nothing about who her mother knows or where she's been since she went on the run. By now, she is wrung out and weary. She would almost rather they kill her, rather than put her through that again.

"There," states Theo stonily. "She has no information to give you. Are you satisfied?"

Grudgingly, Carrow concedes. " _Fine_. Run along then, Nott. Take this scum out of my sight."

After getting hit with three rounds of curses, Mandy is too weak to move. Despite her protests, Theo gets her to her feet and helps her limp out of the room.

"Don't touch me," she whispers, fresh tears staining her cheeks. "Don't you dare…"

Theo ignores her. "Lean on me, you can hardly walk."

She obliges him. She has no other choice, as she can hardly see straight. She doesn't even realizes where they're going until they're at the base of Ravenclaw Tower. The world turns upside down momentarily, and Mandy realizes he's carrying her up the spiral staircase.

He reaches the eagle knocker. It recites a riddle, and she listens as Theo argues with it.

"-I said, I don't know!" he groans in frustration. "Just let me through!"

"No answer, no entry," the knocker replies.

She finds herself drifting off to sleep, but Theo shakes her back to consciousness. "Please, Mandy, I just need you to listen. Just for a few more moments."

From the entrance, the knocker asks once more: "Feed me and I live. Give me water and I die. What am I?"

Even in her semi-delirius state, Mandy can still mutter, "A fire. Easy…"

The door swings open. Theo rushes in and deposits Mandy on the nearest couch. Above her, she hears a scream.

"What the bloody hell happened?"

It's Padma. Suddenly, she's kneeling by her side, brushing sweaty strands of hair away from her face.

"They tortured her," says Theo. "For information about her mother."

Mandy hears the use of third person. It provokes enough rage to get her back on her fate. "They? _They?_ " she bites out. She uses all the strength she has left to shove him in the chest. "You bastard," she yells at him for all of Ravenclaw Tower to hear. "You snake."

She stumbles then. Theo tries to steady her, but she pushes him away once more. "You don't understand," he rushes to explain. "If I hadn't done it, Goyle would have. They wouldn't have stopped. They could have killed you."

This only makes Mandy scoff. "Don't pretend for one second that this was about protecting me. You wouldn't have done it if Carrow hadn't threatened your precious status. You, Theodore Nott. You, one of them. Pure Blood. Slytherin. Untouchable." Then she laughs viciously. She knows she must look like a madwoman, but she doesn't care.

She goes on. "You're not even going to apologize for it either? That's how self-righteous you think you are. You say you're not like them? You're right, you're not. You believe in nothing. You _are_ nothing. You're spineless. You're selfish. You're a bloody hypocrite, that's what you are."

Theo reaches for her, wounded. "Mandy, please-"

" _No,"_ she hisses at him."You've made your choice."

Padma comes in between them, wand drawn should more trouble break out.

"You better go now, Nott," she says, icily.

Michael, Terry, and Anthony join her, wands also drawn.

"That means beat it," growls Terry.

Theo casts one last desperate glance in Mandy's direction. "I'm sorry," he tells her. "Please, believe me."

" _Go."_ Mandy closes her eyes. She can no longer stand to look at him, doesn't even watch as her fellow Ravenclaws escort Theodore Nott out of their tower. She simply curls up on the ground. Padma wraps her arms around her; only then does her body erupt into shuddering cries.

* * *

The following day, Mandy is informed that her mother has been administered the Dementor's Kiss. She almost wishes she had died last summer, if only to spare her from a soulless existence. Her father is currently under house arrest pending investigation. She isn't allowed to see him, and she can't imagine how devastated he must be in their dark and gloomy house.

For the next two weeks, she hardly leaves her bed – only to eat and sit through class in a zombie-like state. She avoids Theo like the plague. Lisa tells her that he comes to Ravenclaw Tower every night to see her. But between her mother's fate and Theo's betrayal, she cannot endure any more heartbreak.

In the end, it is Sue, not Padma, who snaps her out of it. It is eleven o'clock and Mandy has just come back to her dorm from Charms class. She climbs under the covers, resolving to sleep through lunch. Her roommate decides then that enough is enough. In a very un-Sue like manner, she bodily drags Mandy out of bed and gives her shoulders a firm shake.

"Not today," she scolds her. "You will go to the bathroom, splash some water on your face, and run a comb through that rat's nest you call hair. Then you'll come with me to the Great Hall with your head held high. You will show the Carrows and Snape and Goyle and Nott that none of this will break you. Because you are Mandy bloody Brocklehurst. And you are stronger than this."

And in that moment, it is exactly what she needs to hear. She pulls herself out of her hole and heads down to the Great Hall with Sue for lunch. Padma and Lisa look surprised to see her out of bed, but they quickly make room for her at the table. Mandy realizes she's actually hungry – she's hardly eaten anything in days. She scarfs down multiple servings of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding before reaching for the dessert.

"Slow down there," jokes Anthony. "Not like it's your last supper."

Across the table, Lisa is beaming at her. When nobody else is listening, she whispers, "I'm so glad you're here." And Mandy knows she really means it.

Across the all beyond Lisa's head, she spots none other than Theodore Nott. He's sitting with Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson, although he doesn't appear to be very interested in their conversation. They lock eyes for a long moment. She feels her heart pang for him in spite of herself, and for a second, Theo looks hopeful. But Mandy breaks eye contact. _No_ , she decides. It's too soon to forgive his betrayal.

In the common room later that evening, Padma hands her a rolled up piece of parchment. "This was delivered to the Hog's Head a few days ago. It's addressed to you," she explains. "I didn't want to give it to you earlier because I didn't think you were ready. But your mum must have known it would find its way to you somehow."

"My mum?"

Mandy is a loss for words. She opens the scroll and indeed, it is in her mother's scribbled penmanship, and it was written on the day she was captured.

 _My Darling Mandy,_

 _I fear that the worst has come, and this letter may be my last words to you. If only I knew where to begin._

 _This war has been everything your father and I swore we would shield you from. You will be tried and tested in these dark times. But you will prevail – I know you will._

 _I have watched you grow into a smart, beautiful, and capable young witch. Don't ever doubt yourself, Mandy. You are stronger than you think, and you are braver than you will ever know._

 _I have learned so much from you over the years. You have taught me that love, in its purest form, is more powerful than any spell. Remember this, and you will never fail._

 _Please look after your father, Mandy._

 _I will always love you both._

 _Mum_

She reads the letter over and over, until her mother's words are etched in her memory. Then she clutches the parchment to her chest, her heart feeling full enough to burst.

* * *

Mandy wants to make her mother proud, so she throws herself into Dumbledore's Army with a vengeance. Along with Padma and the others, they get to work undermining the Carrows, freeing students from detention, and communicating with scattered members of the resistance. They may be digging their own graves, but none of them care. For once, Mandy feels like she's doing something right.

Then, all at once, the tides turn. Terry comes back to the Room of Requirement beaten and bloody one night, but with a huge smile on his face.

"Potter's done it," he says, breathless. "Broke into Gringotts and escaped on the back of a dragon. Can you believe it?"

Everything happens so quickly after that. At an ungodly hour, the Chosen One himself arrives through the secret passage with some sort of quest. The battle follows him, and suddenly they are all at war. Mandy listens to Lord Voldemort's ultimatum along with everyone else: give him the boy, or all will perish. When McGonagall says whoever wants to fight can stay, she thinks of her mother and knows exactly where she stands.

Then she watches as Theodore is evacuated with the other Slytherins. As he passes her in the Great Hall, he meets her gaze with pleading eyes.

 _"Please, come with me, Mandy. Don't do this,_ " he whispers.

She ignores him. He's made his choice, and so has she. Mandy Brocklehurst isn't going anywhere.

In the past few weeks, Mandy has read all she can about dueling and magical battle strategies. Like the Ravenclaw she is, she foolishly thinks it will prepare her for the real thing. She is wrong. When the Death Eaters are at their doorstep, all hell breaks loose. She looks on in horror at the bloodshed unfolding around her. Desperately, she throws hexes at the Acromantulas scuttering at her feet. To her right, Padma is facing off with Snatcher. Another one takes aim at Padma's back, and Mandy manages to cast a stunning spell in his direction.

She hears an explosion overhead as part of the ramparts crumbles. Instinctively, Mandy's throws her arms above her head to protect herself. Blinded and coughing, she thinks: _this is how I'm going to die._

Then she hears it – the sound of her name.

 _"Mandy! Mandy!"_

She squints through the dust and she can see him, running across the courtyard in breakneck speed.

"Theo!" she cries. _He came for her_ , she realizes. She remembers stumbling across him that first day in the library. She remembers their first kiss. Despite everything that has happened, Mandy remembers that she still loves him. And for a split second, she feels a spark of hope.

She starts to run towards him, but a Death Eater is quick to block her path. She recognizes his face from the papers. Jugson, she thinks, is his name.

He sends curse after curse in her direction. Mandy hardly has time to block. The moment she has an opening, she raises her wand and yells, _"Stupe-"_

When suddenly, she feels as though she is splitting at the chest. She falls to her knees and looks down to see blood pooling down the front of her robes. Her own blood, she realizes. The Death Eater smirks down at her before moving on; he hasn't used the Killing Curse because he wants her to suffer.

"No!" comes Theo's strangled cry. "No, no, no!"

The second he reaches her, he gathers her in his arms. He tries stitching her up with some sort of healing enchantment, but Mandy knows it's too late.

He's frantically pressing down on the wounds. "No, please don't leave me," he croaks. "I love you. Mandy, please."

There are tears streaming down his face. Weakly, Mandy reaches up and brushes them away. He catches her hand, and presses his lips against her palm.

"I'm sorry, Mandy. I love you," he keeps on whispering. "Please forgive me. I love you." He stares into her eyes, as though searching for some kind of clue.

"You won't find the answers you're looking for there, you know," she parrots his own words back to him. She feels her body grow cold, her life slipping away. Theo is still cradling her, still begging her to stay. She is in the arms of the man who loves her. _There are worse ways to go,_ Mandy thinks. The last thing she does is cup his cheek, taking her final breath on his lips.

* * *

For the next ten years, Theodore Nott does nothing but fiddle with timepieces in his workshop. He is determined to push the limits of all known magic, to do what no wizard has ever done before. When Lucius Malfoy approaches him with a request for a true Time Turner, Theo does not stop working until he has achieved it. It has never been for the money or the glory or the fame; Theo throws himself into his work for purely selfish reasons.

He wants turn back the clock further and further, before Voldemort's demise, before the Battle of Hogwarts – if only to catch a glimpse of the girl he loves for more than five minutes. Memory is not enough; he wants to steal back the time this war has robbed them of. He doesn't mourn what could have been; he wants to return to when he had her in his arms, when they were both young and alive and happy.

So he travels back to the beginning of his seventh year. He retraces his steps and watches their relationship unfold from a distance. He doesn't dare try to save her because he knows what happens to wizards who meddle with time. More than once, he trails his younger self on their first date. He hides in alcoves just to listen to him make her laugh, until that melodious sound no longer feels like a memory.

It's as much torture as it is bliss. When Harry Potter, now an Auror, defeats him and confiscates the Time Turner, Theo accepts his arrest as an act of mercy. Night after night, alone in his cell, he continues to yearn for Mandy. He spends the rest of the life dreaming up ways he can find his way back to her, determined more than ever to rewrite history.

 _Fin._


End file.
